Why should I be positive? Life sucks!

Jane says:

“I don’t like life; I was born into an absent father and an alcoholic mother that didn’t even care for me when I was a child. I don’t have any good memories of my childhood but misery; on top of that, I was abused even before I knew what sex was about. After high school I was pushed out of my house since as my mother said: - I was older enough to take care of myself -. I spent most of my young age circling the world without even knowing what to do, no one taught me anything, no one ever cared enough, the little I knew about right and wrong I learned it at school but I have always done right and life has done nothing but wrong to me. I ended up marring the first guy that told me I was beautiful and that he would take care of me and after two years he found someone else he wanted to love and take care of instead. In some way I always knew I needed some type of education to be able to pay my bills, so as I could, I entered a community college and with the help of a couple of jobs I was able to finish an associate degree. I found a job that I later lost due to the bad economy in the country and right now I hate life, I hate God, I hate everyone and I simply think that life sucks!"

What do you think Jane needs?

Someone to tell her that everything is going to be all right?

What do you think her answer would be to someone telling her that positive thinking is what she needs?

I don’t know about you, but I think my answer would be: She is not ready to hear that!

I have been there, I have heard many times people telling me that I need to be positive, that I need to see how other people have had it worst, that life has ups and downs, that things always get better and to be honest, I also didn’t want to hear that!

When everything goes wrong in your life, you do think negative; you are sad, upset, stressed but mostly plain MAD! And you know what? That is normal!

People should know that these feelings are part of what we are; we do need to feel different things in order to grow, to learn and to evolve. If we are always positive, if we are always happy, we are not human; in this world everything has an opposite, as there is no summer without a winter, there is no happiness without sadness.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy says:

“Whenever obnoxious or unpleasant activating events occur in people's lives, they have the choice of making themselves feel: - healthy and self-helping: sorry, disappointed, frustrated, and annoyed. Or making themselves feel: - Unhealthy and self-defeating: Horrified, terrified, panicked, depressed, self-hating and self-pitying"

Jane’s example is one in a million, most of our lives are hard, full of obstacles and sorrow and we all have to go through them. Why? I really don’t know, that is just how it is. And no, the answer to Jane is not a pat in her back with the cliché phrase: - everything is going to be all right – Jane will need to go through her life and she will learn how to live thorough her problems as the rest of us, my hope is that we will allow ourselves to feel but not let our feelings run our lives and even if we cannot stop feeling bad we can choose healthier self-helping emotions.

#life #positive #REBT #Choices