I am depressed because of you!
- Amaranta Penate-Marty
- Mar 1, 2016
- 3 min read
How many times have you heard people saying: “It is my parents’ fault!” or, “I could be happier if my husband would be nicer to me.”
It all might be survival instincts to protect ourselves from the pain of accepting our responsibilities or to avoid the effort to have to work toward becoming better people but in reality, we all tend to always blame others for our mistakes and mostly, for the way we feel.
In the past people treated for their psychological problems such as depression and anxiety were still seen as the product of what happen to them in the past, the famous Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalysis Theory was based on the idea that human mental symptoms as depression have their origin in everyone’s childhood (Murdock, 2009).
I am not saying that Freud was wrong, but in my point of view, is a really pessimistic way of seeing human capability of taking control of their own lives, if we think that we are only what others made of us then, the idea of free will and a better future is just out of question.
Albert Ellis created what is still called today, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), he was just another therapist frustrated with the passive methods of psychoanalysis trying to find a better explanation of the root of human anxiety. Murdock (2009) recalls Ellis words about the bases of REBT philosophy: “it’s never the event that happen that makes us disturbed, but our view of them” (p.278).
With this, Ellis centers his theory in the fact that human behavior is a product of the way people think about the world and not actually the circumstances surrounding them. As another psychologist not interest in the client’s history, Ellis says human beings are capable of controlling their own thoughts thus, their behavior.
With the assumption that anyone or anything can’t cause or make anyone feel anything, REBT explains that every individual can push himself toward a healthier way of thinking and seen the world by modifying his thoughts/beliefs.
The central constructs of REBT is known as the ABC form:
A= External events
B= The way we think about A
C = Consequences of B
Our thoughts are simple, declarative sentences we say to ourselves, they run our lives but can also ruin it too if they become irrational.
A mother yells to her son (A) – He thinks his mom is mean and that he might be dump because he made her upset (B) – He stays in bed all day depressed thinking about what his mother made him feel (C).
For Albert Ellis, irrational thoughts are demanding; demanding to ourselves: I must be perfect! - demanding to others: people should always treat me right! - demanding to the world: life must be fair and easy!
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy helps individuals achieve unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional acceptance of others (UAO) and unconditional life acceptance (ULA) to reach mental health.
Now you can see how much sense this phrase has: “Happiness is a personal choice”
So I invite you to try to practice REBT when feeling a little bit blue and always try to remember:
"If you don't like something: change it! If you can't change it then change the way you think about it"
The power is within you!
Reference:
Murdock, N. L. (2009). Theories of counseling and psychotherapy: A case approach (2nd ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education. ISBN-13: 9780132286527
Ellis, Albert & Dryden, Windy (2007). Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Springer Publishing Company. LC Call Number: RC489.R3 -- E455 2007eb ISBN: 9780826122162 9780826122179. Dewey Decimal Number: 616.89/142
Dryden, Windy (1999). Some Reflections on Rational Beliefs. London: Whurr. Retrieved on March 29, 2010 from http://www.rebtinstitute.org/professionals/prof_articles/reflections.pdf
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